SNM019: Dealing With Hate Mail
My First Experience with Hate Mail
My first experience having my personal information and the home addresses of my parents and siblings was a nightmare. One of the members of the forum eventually went out and murdered people. The owner of the site immediately took it down to try and bury the evidence. But even after his site led to murder, the owner simply changed the domain. Fortunately, the post with those old addresses got lost when he changed websites. Do not make my mistakes.
Nearly ten years later people ARE reposting videos of me that fortunately do not have my real name on them. They now post horrible stuff using a very old nickname. I got very lucky.
Create a Business Entity to Firewall you From Hate Mail
There are many financial reasons to create a business entity as quickly as possible, but there are also safety concerns. With any online business, you can get some surprise press and people show up at your house. You want to put layers in place to protect you legally and physically. When you are operating as a business entity, with a business name and address it becomes much harder for people to violate your privacy.
It only takes a few minutes to begin the process and it's worth doing at the start. If you wait until you are “making real money” then your personal information will be forever linked to your business and it will be much harder to hide your home address.
Isolate Your Social Media
Don't use your personal Facebook account to connect with fans. You can set up a page in thirty seconds that acts as a firewall. You can still message with fans, like things and communicate. But they won't see pictures of your kids or the profiles of your family members.
For Twitter and other social media profiles, you should create a brand new account that is only for your business.
Do Not Respond to Hate Mail and Trolls
It is tempting to want to defend yourself or tell people not to be evil online, but that only feeds the monster. If you don't react, the problem disappears much faster. I was terrified when my address was published, but then it all faded away as they sought out someone who would respond.
Ignore bad reviews and negative press. You can email people directly and offer them a newer version of your content or try to correct what disappointed them. If they leave a malicious review, it's best to leave well enough alone.
Separate your feelings from action. Why should you care what some random person on the Internet thinks? Ignore them and don't give strangers power over your emotions. When you react emotionally the trolls smell blood in the water
Protect Your Phone Number
You can easily protect your phone number with Google Voice, Hushed or other apps that cost less than $3 a month and are easy to replace if you get a bad caller.
- Be a Business
- Protect Your Personal Information
- Don't Let Trolls and Bad Reviews Affect You
Namecheap (Uses WhoISGuard to protect your information)
https://facebook.com/servenomaster/Business Facebook Page
Send in your questions to podcast [at] servenomaster [dot] com
One of my first experiences online as I began to build a little bit of the following when I just had one in 10 visitors my blogging that I wasn't making any money yet is making about $.30 a month for advertising I started to notice a trend of negative comments on my blog and some scary emails and didn't understand what was happening it got me very worried and I began to track back with the traffic was coming from and I discovered that someone had written a post about me on a website at the time I was blogging about my dating life is beginning to write my first book for women about dating there is a whole form from animated everything about dating everything about Craig approximating hated everything about self-improvement in this website was very scary the written a post about me talker house weakling I was a coward because I was a vegan I don't really know whether getting her information is not a vegan never been a vegan and the vegetarian they decided that this is what they hated about me I have no idea where the information started from the start to get scary from there they began to talk about how fat I was they were finding pictures of the online they get to post comments on my blog rubbing fat even when I started working on other projects they would send emails to my other dresses by tracking down Howard Regiment websites and search sending emails to my other email addresses for my regular jobs and for business but how fat engrossed in your very vicious and very hurtful it began to feel like people's website were falling me chasing me stalking me and made me very, very nervous what you do if you are anonymous and he got to the point where they began to post addresses the post of the dress of my parents house post address what my sisters houses and started talking about some pretty scary things now the owner of this website total monster allowing this type of content partners website where people are getting threatened was addresses are getting posted and it turns out I had a right to be worried because several years later a spree killer in California was actually one of the top posters member of this website actually when she went out and kill people notice you online the website is gone now as soon as the sky started killing people the only website doing everything he deleted all the evidence the real class act this was my first experience of online harassment and weird as it was very confusing because I think they hated about me were truly had me for being a vegan and me for other things the thought of written product had written it was very confusing so the commish of that information angry people and the posting Michelle my family when I found her post I found this forum I thought about responding in some way I was tempted to write something and say loan submissions wrong what's wrong with you guys and I realize that when you respond to any type of mitral only make the situation worse I don't the same type of thing happen to people online career people find random things to be scary about and it turns out I had every right to be scared because someone from that site went out and actually murdered people you can't depend on other people to protect your safety things appealed on social media these days are pretty crazy people post pictures of their houses people post pictures of their dress kids post pictures where they go to school picture of their car they never think about the fact the post picture the car and chose the license but look at the car's eulogy goes to school and they know which car the kitchen is driving and you create all this for ability we want to a specialist become professionals restart lives have a layer of protection between us and our audience this is for security even for to hate mail one make sure that you're safe and the bad things to happen you and this is important because I went through this and whether a time where I was worried because people were doing things were very malicious it starts by creating a business entity everything you do online should be under the guise of a business a lot of people make the mistake of call themselves a sole proprietor and using her Social Security number home address for other business decisions this leaves you massively vulnerable to anyone finding your home address in fact if you search me hard enough you can still find my parents home address online fortunately they moved away address is no longer valid but it's also possible to remove that item information once it's out in the Internet learn as the hardware is trying to help you out this is why from the beginning I say set up a business entity set up a business and it's not just about the financial now talk about protecting you a little bit once you have your business identity and you can get this for free you can get a business tax ID from the federal government doesn't cost anything you don't even need to do the state registration until you're a little active or making actual money to protect her name you can just do step one register and get a number from the federal government a tax ID number and that allows you to open a business bank account open a business mailbox when you're setting up a mailbox at the post office if you get a mailbox guilty when those PO boxes and a lot of entities will allow that they will allow you to use that as your home address or use that as a business address some of my vendor send a check once a month they were never mailed to PO Box the always significant physical address is much better to use the UPS store this is what I use if you look for my business address and actually try to drive by all my websites and are registered with this business first you could drive by NIH is you just it's a layer of protection it protects me and protects my dining also isolate my business and separated from my personal I actually needed to switch to a PO Box was traveling I have a business dress in America that's where my business is based that's why file taxes out of its workings organize out of because I want to maintain my American present this allows me to do all of that it's a very simple process and again it just depends what kind of money you have to work with but it really helps my post office box is something like $30 a month which is worth every penny because it allows me to travel I don't have to worry about anyone find my dress online and it protects me when you register your website now use name cheap they give you for the first year freeze identity protection and to pay extra every time you registered Hydra address if you make a mistake or when you reoccupy click the checkbox the republish your listing and it showed whatever address you registered with if you're very fastidious you can just trust I can mask one little mistake in your dress could pop up online this is why like to have a business address and even if there's a mistake than on my business address is revealed these are ways and layers are protecting yourself or protect your family from weirdos out there the odds of you encountering anything weird or very small like one in 1 million but forewarned is forearmed in a what you have information events before anything weird happens before you get that he's a mill that scares you is it happens to everyone it comes from nowhere and it's always good to be weird is nothing scarier than getting a weird letter your home address I don't want that ever happened to you that's why I'm sharing my story today to make sure you can be secure with social media personal profiles not your business profile don't mix those two things together it's a little confusing on Facebook to set up a Facebook page or set up a Facebook group if you've never done it before feels little confusing what am I doing you want to firewall between your personal page that has connections all your friends all your relatives all of your kids or people he went to school with people you work with all those connections you want your fancy access to I don't do friend requests with people to follow me if you were to find a Facebook you'd find my business page now be a friend of my business page you can message me personally I respond every message you can post my business might walk you can write messages that provides a firewall between my business friendships and my real friends and my personal connections some people are Facebook profiles have their cell phone number they provide lots of photos of personal addresses and all that stuff and maybe a picture he took five years and we forgot about has some personal stuff it's better to have that firewall in fact if you're even more worried if you would be really secure you can create a brand-new entire Facebook profile account to put a wall between your personal and business stuff I used to have with us for a while now I don't do that anymore because I have good firewall with my business pages but it's a great way to add a little security the same thing for twitter anything else I prefer to have a separate social media count for my business actions this allows me to have a high level security this is a great way to protect yourself especially if your lady and you're worried about weirdness in your audience I've noticed that most romance authors have a drawing for the picture rather than the real photo I've seen a trend where people firewall the personal lives from their business lives and that something that you can do the value there is nothing weird happening on the line even if someone sent a piece of hate mail now it's only a little PO Box at the UPS store my bookkeeper who checks mail once a month we find it when you open the letter and it would probably throw away I know she tell me about I physically wouldn't even ever touch the letter it was really important letter shall scan an email to me otherwise I never see it having these layers of protection ensures that nothing weird happens you can be intimidating to have anything scary happen is it really feels bad for people right mean things about you planning in advance will help prevent you from hurting your feelings really stinks with someone write something mean in it can make you cry or hurt your feelings I recently got a very negative review about my book have one really bad review on Amazon for my book and they wrote some really weird things one of the things they wrote about was that I don't know the difference between only close and unprofessional Taylor in the book I write about how I buy a pair of shorts from the mall when I'm on the mainland away from the island to bring them back here show them to the local seamstress and then she makes a copy pair short using fabric I bring breach pair shorts are charged by the dollar I give as much work as I can I was temper nicely that's the going rate around here no in this review of this person wrote that I'm going to professional Taylor and she said I don't know the difference between homemade and high-end Taylor goods she basically things that paying a dollar for pair shorts is the same thing is going to Savile Row venting 3005 doesn't offer custom suit I have this review if your Amazon you can look at it talk about how I'm a jerk I'm an idiot I don't anything I'm so rich and so fancy because I have custom close when talking with her shorts and basil and daughter make very hurtful very personal attack or some other words that are quite unpleasant and inaccurate maybe you think I'm wrong as well maybe you think if someone else makes a short it doesn't count as homemade if you saw Leslie's location you see it's all makeshift lives across the street from it simply way for me to put more money local, I hire local people in as many ways they can to support island that live on trying to help the community so I always buy stuff locally as much as I can rather than going to large businesses you are my feelings and I can tell you right now that the person who wrote that review does not have their own identity protected I found who the person was on their website and that I found two or three books that I should publish on Amazon themselves to be 30 seconds my first thought was to figure out who this person was and why they were writing something so me I initially thought it must be competitor must be someone with a similar book try to push down the rankings of my book and push away traffic people do that sometimes I've seen in other areas were done business were competitors will write negative reviews just to mess with your ranking then I discover them two books neither book is ever received and reviewed her to the lowest rank books on Amazon and are in totally different markets not sure why this individual chose to write such a negative review especially when their review profile links to the other books they've written and takes a few seconds to find everything you just search by name is on the scene this is another author how to write such immunity if you want somebody that you I wouldn't mind a visit I don't like this part of the book without a that it was about me was very personal and it's tempting to be emotionally damaging her vitals for a few seconds you don't want to get drawn into troll battles you want to get drawn into interacting I didn't do anything else I first check to see it was a competitor or see someone messing with me what arose it just a random person is trying to building an Amazon I like is no need for me to write negative views about their books or pay any tension or books and I certainly don't want to do any that stuff either this is a story to educate you not to inside you to do anything crazy read their book review and is a don't do that please don't become part of the problem you can get messages like these are going get negative reviews or feeling sometimes occasionally or in an email that hurt your feelings separate as much as you can feelings of action of letting go don't get drawn into applying to people to write negative reviews don't get drawn into posting on forums when I saw the message on a form of usual fights or replying got a lot more exciting for those people to know that it hurt my feelings I have a friend who's surely on the same website they were posting about him calling the loser all these things he engaged he started posting pictures on their website joining forum posting back explain he's awesome and insane now he's probably the biggest person I've ever met and when I say biggest I mean on believable muscular total nice guy you're talking to and 8300 pounds of raw muscle 2% body fat this guys crazy shredded work as a bodyguard for longtime working security for long time he's really tough so for him there's no worry about posting all those things but he's reposting back and getting Volvos, and heated up getting tons and tons of comments more threads about him the problem got worse not better I didn't do anything and after couple weeks interest disappeared my experience is that when you don't reply to the haters we are part of the bad messages the problem goes away sometimes people get into these weird things on Twitter were a random person post a message to a celebrity in the celebrity replies and it turns into a whole think becomes a hashtag of this letter your feelings all those things I saw this really happened with one of the girls and Ghostbusters whether you think what was going on is okay or not okay someone posted that didn't like the movie which is fine but people didn't like the movie that's fine who care spotted people like or don't like my book that is a matter what matters is that she responded to a professional review of her movie someone wrote a review for a rather large newspaper website not just a movie website one of the top 10 newspapers in the world the rotor review about how they didn't like the movie how they did the special effects other things if you look at the numbers the movies lost a great deal of money so it's not like this reviewer was on his own plenty wouldn't like the movie but you did maybe like it that's fine the movie has put a negative use and some positive use those things don't matter but one person in particular she did like a personal interview list got into a twitter think that hundreds of other people start posting message to an twitter to messages got negative the measures got meaner feelings got hurt she kept pretending she can quit twitter that she didn't like everyone does people pretend quit Twitter all the time the economy into these like silly debates because they let it affect them emotionally you have to disconnect your professional identity from your personal identity and twitter if someone writes any message you can click a button that says block and the never see message letters never again it's so easy to make the problem disappear do that don't get drawn into a debate don't get drawn in emotionally and simply block the person if someone writes me mean email add them to a block list inside of my email software and I'll never see email from them ever get the mother disappears forever I very rarely have to do that with email haven't blocked and he will probably five or six years please don't get inspired to write an email to see the block you most people won't take the time to write anything mean in a private place that's why most my experience is run a public forum people have problems on Twitter that's where and what else can see the message very rarely get negative hate mail one on one anymore what's on social media or anything else just ignore just be ready this can happen is not having you very much it doesn't happen to most people very much even at the top of the game don't get caught emotionally don't get connected block the person delete the message and that's it I'm even know if it's worth going to the process of filing an abuse complaint or any of that stuff because then you're caught up more and more and to deal with the problem or more my expenses that once you block someone the promise goes away it's not fun to pick on someone if they can't see your messages and the never reply I don't check my twitter not very good twitter be honest with you it's the one social media platform that I've never really got into his have to treat 50 times a day do all these things and seems very collocated to me to really stand up and up it's basically like texting but your text and the world's of yourself you check every message I might have people that are writing really means that on twitter but I don't see it so what's the point they're wasting their time and that's exactly my point let the person feel like you never even saw it and then the get bored of it it'll disappear that I make things go away protect yourself a little bit by being smart setting up your business like a business isolate your business and personal identities addresses business accounts all of that it's not very expensive it's worth doing right when you start out and then you'll be secured into the future take the small steps to protect yourself from dealing with the kind of stuff that I had to deal with I know a lot of people that I work with a lot of authors I work with other people they never use their real name they never use their real photos for a lot of my project I use my real photo I happen to do it on Servicemaster because I think it's important to really connect with you in a real way but I did think about creating a new pen name and had some ideas but it was just too much work and it feels necessary I'm very secure in my business now and I know what I'm doing but I do isolate all my social media presence I isolate my mailing addresses I don't post pictures of my family very often I certainly don't post pictures where I live in my dress and things like that there's no reason to be silly with your security to take a few basic precautions and you should be fine if you do get one of those pieces a male or whatever don't worry about it the last piece of Iselin give you is protecting your phone number it's very overwhelming the thought of getting a business phone number you think an 800 number cost thousands of dollars and $804 a month nothing it's so cheap in 800 number these days very very cheap regarding what you can get remote numbers in some different ways you can get a number through Google Google voice I use an app on my phone called hushed I think it's an app designed to help you cheat on your boyfriend or girlfriend or wife or whatever I use it to give me an American phone number so I tax from within out if you go through my projects or we have a phone call together coaching calls the number you see is it my actual phone number it's the phone number inside the apps if I ever run into a problem I just change the number and takes one second the number my parents called is not the number of the people but if you call the app number right now my phone will ring it's a really good way of firewall yourself a cost $30 a year for the phone number right now that's because I ordered was 1500 text messages 600 minutes I just renewed one of my numbers I have two numbers inside the slot my phone easy PC it's a great way to create a firewall without having to buy a second phone without having to deal with collocated 800 numbers those are two easy ways to isolate your phone number and it's worth doing you don't want to post a business address I will then have your personal cell phone number nothing worse than getting phone calls that are weird recently and when the Democratic Party got their phone numbers post online from hacker what a nightmare nobody got from the phone calls and text but if you just had an app inside your phone you know is your business number just deleted and the messages make it to really good would isolate yourself really easy way to protect yourself it's worth taking these small steps now to ensure that you don't get hate mail the people don't get to scare you and intimidate you in weird ways you have to run into any scary problems like I dealt with we need to get hate mail don't engage let it disappear deleted whatever once it's gone once you don't reply the person will lose interest and this is how you can ensure that you do you hate mail the right way and you don't have to deal with any scary security concerns like rock Blackstone but my friend told me that sounds like a hard-boiled private detective which is where I got the idea I like that kind a name