SNM076: Confidence Can Grow Your Business
I’ve been finishing my new product, Networking Empire this week.
It’s all about approaching big shots and getting them to help your business.
So many people network horribly that most of us think of it as a dirty word.
There is nothing more unappealing than attending a “Networking Event.”
And a big part of that is how socially awkward these forced interactions are.
You are stuck talking to people that are all looking for the same thing you are.
And you get nervous and uncomfortable.[easy-tweet tweet=”When you are unsure of yourself, asking someone else to believe in you won’t work.” user=”ServeNoJonathan” hashtags=”servenomaster”]
Lack of confidence leaks into every decision you make.
We only think about big decisions, like what we charge for coaching.
But if you don’t believe in yourself, you won’t put your business first.
You’ll watch TV or chill out with friends because you’re business will probably fail anyways.
That type of thinking will rip your business apart, but it happens to the majority of new entrepreneurs.
I Don’t Want to Get My Hopes Up
This is the refrain of the high school wallflower and has no place in your adult life.
Let go of this childish thought.
We wall have tough days and there are many obstacles you have to overcome if you want to reach the top of the mountain.
If you believe in yourself, that possibility becomes an inevitability.
- Self-confidence directly influences your income
- How do you stay strong on bad days?
- Prepare for the down days and the up days will be awesome.
Most other links can be found in my TOOLBOX
Send in your questions to podcast [at] servenomaster [dot] com
Competence is a critical component of your business find out why on today's episode today's episode is brought to you by SCM rush Jordan 2008 with one mission to make online competition fair and transparent equal opportunities for all find out how messy rust can help you compete with the big boys go to Servo master.com\SEM rushed today are you tired of dealing with your boss you feel underpaid and underappreciated if you want to make it online why you start living your retirement dreams now then you come to the right place welcome to serve no master pod on how to open new revenue streams and make money while you sleep presented live from a tropical island in the South Pacific by best-selling author Jonathan Greene now your post morning I woke up early and I was looking at Cora looking to see what people that got to thinking about and so many of the posts are pictures of attractive always distract a person real how can so be this good looking all these questions like how should I feel at this they're all about appearance and all about the self competence? I don't know why I'm getting them because I'm not in any of the looks groups I'm in lots of work from home groups but it's interesting to me to see over and over again people find some online they find attractive and they post the person to happen I look like this and they're constantly looking for a form of external validation let me think hey what is this have to do with this line this is about looks at the different niche I get that what we don't want Thomas it looks were not here to talk with your talk with confidence the problem is that people are expressing by the question they ask a lack of belief in himself I think that their ugly little things are good enough I know this because really good looking people don't post the really good looking people post a different question they post a picture of themselves they say hey my good looking or what you think of this right to ask a different question with a really hoping for their fishing for compliments but again they're leaking a lack of self-confidence I was working yesterday on my new product networking Empire was recording the video I talk about confidence and that's why we share some them share with you now because it's so important to your business so critical when you have low self-confidence it will in fact every aspect of your business when you don't believe yourself in different areas it will in fact how you price your products will infect your sales conversations all these things will get curse as you don't feel like you can charge this much if you think your time as for the hundred dollars an hour but you only feel comfortable asking for 50 cut your income at half your competences cut your revenue stream I see this all the time main reason we don't charge one charge is lack of confidence we don't think people paid we don't think we deserve a little thicker worth it one of the things that my first marketing coach ever told me and it blew my mind was that most people when they quit a job and moving on my marketing make the exact same amount of money my job as a teacher my salary that negotiated was $36,000 a year before taxes the first year work online I made within $100 that plus or minus almost exactly 36 and I would well I realized that every month when I made once I hit $3000 in money I would stop working one month I got a check for $3000 on the fourth day of the month I took the next three and half weeks off I created this artificial glass ceiling and it's very common and I if he hadn't told me it would take me a long time to break through my income the next year I made more than 20 times more money massively changed my life because he show me one little thing will hold me back most things that hold us back in life are actually within her own head there in our perception that's why confidence in understanding this is so important because he can massively increase how much money you make can massively change your approach to business deals now most of us and most people unfortunately were like solar panels we get our self-confidence we get our feeling good from external sources we need an energy supply we need other people to tell us that we've done a good job we need to accomplish things to feel good a lot of this and there's this really amazing talk about education and how education is this moving target education is this really manipulative system because he keeps saying you can be prompt you to be happy when you do this deeply happy when this happened hey work really hard when you're young get into a good middle school Artemis will get a bit high school and you keep thinking that once I get to the next level I can then be happy these happiness or satisfaction of the life you've always wanted to run in front of you right now if you're working for company you have a job before you had this job really wanted you thought if I had this job or if I got escrow shall be happy every single person with the job thought that wherever you are right now before you were there you thought all my gosh I just got this job will too happy to get the job and you all the jobs that pay enough I need a promotion then I'll be happy and so we have this moving target in front of us so we either get our happiness or sense of self confidence from achieving something from an external accomplishment or an external event or unit from extra people people telling us were good hey Jonathan you did a really good job now I last night got a really cool email from someone the moment that I never read reviews of books for your book so many highly reviewed how to email you about it may feel really good it's okay to feel good of people say nice things to instigate a battle about people say bad things here there's a review on certain matters you want to check out it's there and I didn't make any effort to delete it were something says that I thought this book was terrible until I read the second half of the total inspired me the most the people who left really good or good reviews of this are probably drinking the Kool-Aid which is a reference to occult and sell cult of Americans a guy took and when it is called to South America and the nail drink was included okay is referencing me to the Jonestown massacre now as much is that initially hurt my feelings of harming us while this person took the time to create a really nice metaphor it's horrific but at least their creative economist I appreciate that it's better than just saying I'm a dumb dumb jerk at least they took the time to be eloquent and have a bit of a subtle reference and so that's the biggest numbing I might have other negative reasons well that's one that I remember the best and so it does little bit but if word extra people then I would be really good mood today and whatever the other had been really bad but it would control my internal state what happens it affects other areas of our work when we aren't happy we don't believe herself or cause a chasing of wrestling are total quality of life is lower I talk a lot about have a good life feel good all the time in my lesson on depression and this is kind of level beyond that… Feeling not bad this is about feeling really good old time people meet me and they think that I'm very high confidence and that's an artificial construct I was not a competent person is a child I learned how to be confident because I realize was necessary to continue living I needed to change my destiny and when my friends were my mentors told me about this idea of inside-out versus outside and and if you can lock this and this will change your approach to life this will change how you feel forever instead of waiting for external validation or external events waiting for something to happen instead you take control you say you know I'm sick and be happy and when you make that decision and you decide you don't I would be happy and then when good things happen that we also about things happen that's okay to it stinks but all indoor and when I made that decision and it's amazing that it can simply be a decision my life changed my happiness went to the roof I became much more confident I became much more comfortable myself I don't need other people to validate me as you know I mentioned before I come from the dating or the relationships bases teach men and women how to find love and a lot of the guys one think the guy suffer from is initial conversation validation a guy walks up to woman in a bar if she rejects him and says are not interested he feels like in his head she said just like in the movie a Knights tale you been drawn measured and found wanting a man walks up to the bar eight second conversation she's not interested he feels like she's judge the totality of him as a person and found him lacking found him inferior not good enough what happened is it your woman use machine 09 I was in heaven a guy will feel that way even if one goes off sorry I married her oh so I am a lesbian 00 Safari my boyfriends are behind the hill still interpreted that way how could someone possibly judge the person on eight seconds now same thing reverses course you know in the power struggle between the men and women between people any type of relationship the balance of power shifts in the becomes a moment where woman wants to press the manual not one person in changes who wants to press and the person you're a day and you think today went really well at the end of your one and oh was a fun enough was my dress cute enough all these things in your waiting for it to get by on the second date so once you start to like the guy the balance of hardships he and the relationship in the early phases whoever likes to the person more has all the more power and again can someone really get to know everything about you and what are two hours not I've had dates that were horrific and I discovered that even things are completely outside your control you'll get blamed for I was on a date with a girl once long time ago were talking and I said I like to kiss you and she is now thanks and a bird immediately put daughter one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life okay I certainly don't have the ability to make that happen I join some birds are put on the right front of me it was in the middle of London where you don't really expect it to us at such an urban area was like where you know surrounded by birds and it was so funny she blame me for I mean she basically assumed that I had like Greek mythology type our select control animals make up about people Odyssey known as a power but she blame you for that and I never see her again I knew there was nothing I could do I could see in her eyes that was my fault there are things are outside our control and I can let that moment I failed I feel that the state did I notice the bird's fault you know maybe find a better person out into the right way to do it I could've turned the birthing and ON but these things happen and so whether it's in business whether it's a life keep letting other people decide how you feel you're always been a struggle and the truth is that other people don't really know you I've been with my girlfriend for more than three years I would say we know each other a little bit she doesn't know the depths of my soul it takes a long time to know someone that level she doesn't know every thought have no she knows me very much and better else the world okay she doesn't think it all the time she does every time I try to be sneaky snows with what's in the back my mind try to hide present she can tell things like that but I would still say she doesn't know the depths of my personality she doesn't know what I experienced when I was a kid in high school and it felt like to be fat and unloved and struggling I have friends I also don't know what it's like to grow up so poor the two of her siblings were killed by snakes and you fight wild animals for food sometimes okay 500 I don't know her experience either I know about it but I don't really know what it feels like I don't like I still at this point have the ability to judge the totality of her as a human why do we give other people this power it's because were trained and were brought up in a culture that thinks that extra validation is key this is why people my generation I still can't believe I'm the millennium the curse obsessed with posting the pictures of what they eat and posting pictures of them in the special outfits all over the inner to constantly get validation anytime someone is currently posting those types of pictures there's a 90% chance that they our desk for validation and so it's a sign even though some can be really good-looking and they can be really successful in this career posted pictures of them selves online or bikinis or whatever they actually have a self-confidence problem because they needed extra validation when they get good you know when to get up thoughts on the pictures I feel good and gunboats make them feel down this is a sign and work culture it's very vulnerable to this because of the way we've socialized ourselves last 50 years or so but we can break beyond this if you can go you know what I would be happy no matter what you will find every part of this process much easier seat making money online I would love to tell you building a business always easy but it's not it's just like building any other type of business it requires work time sacrifice and they're going to be bad days and when you have those bad days when things go bad if you are not rock solid inside it will destroy you and you'll quit so there's a deep connection between your sense of competence and your ability to weather the storms I had a bad day on Friday couple of days ago I read I got back in emails from editor I'd I try I dictated my last book I dictated this book 20 can attain major lessons in the future tardy out I dictated that book in the talk but excessive inside the book is my first time ever do total dictation and she was this is way too hard and sent back I rose I have to manually edit the whole thing the truth is yet because I really am the only one who really tell what else talk on certain sections massive sections have no mistakes in the living area that's really confusing in the transcriptions would have to be me that's okay I was really feeling down about it and I just was like this is the worst I don't want to do this is such a waste my time I thought I paid someone else to do this use of the money back to of course but now still limit down about it now did that affect the way I and rectify children that affect the rest many of the people know in the moment loves doing it yes I was a little bit snappy but that's him alone by myself and officers of when I'm in the zone work myself in the corner people don't distract me my girlfriend the kids they don't distract me and I don't snap at them hey it doesn't translate over to them but in the moment yeah I was feeling a little bit snappish and so I wasn't talking other people make sure that that didn't happen but it doesn't come to other areas of my life when you're bad is never slow sales that we are feeling like a struggle you don't want it to affect family life you want affect your internal state and this is how you can overcome that on a very simple core level to break down this philosophy in a very simple way is understanding how emotions work most of us think of emotions as these powerful forces that comes from again that the college in a couple books that cannot 50 or 60 years ago that were dead wrong emotions are just thoughts that we have in a different category and I can give you perfect example of this let's say you're really stressed out you have to work on a bunch of stuff and all you could do was think about something after work on your very sad about your very stressed out about your very depressed about it then you are the movies and where to movies or something not thinking about it anymore because the movies were able to distract a different thought something else to primacy this is a sign that whatever you are think that whatever your distracting was just a thought emotions are justified by some friends who disagree with me but my personal experimentation my press expensive life shown that this is true and this belief this understanding is what help me break the chains of depression affected a great majority of my childhood so you're feeling this motion okay lets he go to mass a breakup or let's say your computer explodes which happened when my interns recently or let's say your work or your wash machine explodes is not wash machines are exploding a solid online recently massive recall for 20 wash machines something happens and you're just feeling bad when you lose your job you fire you feel depressed yet home and then there's an emergency phone rings when friends is hurt we smell smoke okay nobody is depressed and fire time for no suppressed in a gunfight ask soldiers who are in the moment they never feel those bad emotions when in the moment because there's no time for that you have to focus to survive and serve different thoughts take primacy these thoughts take control and that means thoughts are just thoughts and as soon as you realize that Susie oh wait I can choose to not think about this by thoughts it will change your course this is a core principle behind how I maintain my carbon type pushback and suppression ever start to feel bad I do something to take my mind off the bad thing and pushed me in another direction so as your current going through this experience as you begin to work for yourself and try to write a book you have moments rethink yourself in writing to slow this project isn't working I thought this client was can it send me the money I thought this person was going to do the deal with me just fall through all the time potential client coaching clients change monthly all the time it's okay happens it will be very easy to get depressed because I can always take all that money will be really cool thing to do this with her that would open up this opportunity that opportunity we all when we think we get the big paid and we think some of its past five or $10,000 or something crazy we already spend it in her mind selling and so it doesn't happen this opportunity there for us to become depressed even though state has a change right and of the money you save money today you thought your right one thought leads to another spot when you have these moments remember that they're just thoughts remember that these little events don't define you as a human there steps on the path to greatness how many people remember the Ronald Reagan ran for president twice before he got elected probably nobody unless you voted in the selections certainly nobody of my generation and I believe will be of the generation right before my we don't remember people's failures my biggest failure is my book on decluttering the first book I put on Amazon I didn't know what I was doing and I made some mistakes I also spent a lot of money but together that's book had the highest costs as far as publishing sparks writing is Fars launching all those things I didn't know it is doing and I overspent classic thing that happens a similar enter Newmarket don't know they're doing that book was a failure for your half was the albatross around my neck and I thought to myself I'll never bake back my investment I book you will always be a loss as a whole Amazon is a massive profit for me but if you look at the single project outside of your loss and then something magical happened about six weeks ago it is now the top book in my entire catalog I have more than 30 books have an Amazon it outsells everything its nominee I was looking at its top of this month again amazing things can turn around the sun always rises remember that your failures can turn to successes with out anything and we remember these things and when you realize the importance of competence and how comments will affect everything you do it will affect how long your writing sessions are it will affect the quality of your writing it will affect the words you write because when I'm feeling down I write down well doing a research when I was doing a research project two years ago to write in the survival is him and right wing space for a client very much emails for someone I started getting really paranoid and start really were at the end of days is artifacting by writing other projects saving happens if I read a thriller mystery so the things that come into our lives the things that take over our minds and affect her thought like they can affect the other areas of our life they can affect her income and other ways you don't want low self-confidence or bad day or unnecessary emotions to hurt how you feel inside to hurt the quality of your work because then you create a cycle you get depressed see work suffers to make less money to get more depressing work suffers more this cycle this negative type of cycle can destroy your business and this destroys many an independent entrepreneur certainly there people who suffer from way too much optimism far off in their people to suffer and quit too soon because they don't have enough, there have enough belief in themselves and they caught me situations and they don't know what to do they quit rather than just talking about don't quit which is something people hereby still give all the time don't quit unless you should quit think that's great advice instead what I want you to do is become one with yourself people talk about oneness lot of Eastern philosophies that the idea will you feel you are who you are and you are who you should be and that comes from understanding how confidence works understanding how your mind works and realizing that a lot of the information we have about thoughts or culture is wrong you have the ability to control your emotions you don't need external validation true validation comes from within the more you believe in yourself and the more confidence you have in yourself and you can create confidence by taking control of your thought life everything else will fall into place this entire system will become easier success will be easier and along the way you be much much happier so if you look at me and said while discussing so competent happy realize that I came for a place where I wasn't and I made a decision to change my life he'd make that decision right now to be more confident to reject negative thoughts to not let small things affect how you feel about life small rejections are not a measurement of your town is human just bad moments in these bad moments are often part of the path the end of the path you can achieve great success because you are on the path of me to make sure it happens your part of my tribe part of my team working together were heading toward something great I believe in you you should believe in yourself thank you for listening to this week's episode serve no master make sure you subscribe so you never miss another episode will be back tomorrow with more tips and tactics on how to restate that rat race head over to serve no master.com/podcasts now for your chance to win a free copy of Jonathan's bestseller serve no master all you have to do is leave a five star review of this podcast see you tomorrow thank you for listening serve no master podcast head over to Servo master.com\podcast right now to find out how you can win a free copy my brand-new book